Black or white, how to know when to let go.

In the ‘How to make a choice’ series, Ash Beckham talk about a strong dilemma we all face in our daily life. She has found herself in a situation that made her ask: who am I? She felt pulled between two roles — as an aunt and as an advocate. Each of us feels this struggle sometimes, she says — and offers bold suggestions for how to stand up for your moral integrity when it isn’t convenient.

‘We are taught right now that we are living in a world of constant and increasing polarity. It’s so black and white, so us and them, so right and wrong. There is no middle, there is no gray, just polarity. Polarity is a state in which two ideas or opinions are completely opposite from each other; a diametrical opposition.Which side are you on? Are you unequivocally and without question antiwar, pro-choice, anti-death penalty, pro-gun regulation, proponent of open borders and pro-union? Or, are you absolutely and uncompromisingly pro-war, pro-life, pro-death penalty, a believer that the Second Amendment is absolute, anti-immigrant and pro-business? It’s all or none, you’re with us or against us. That is polarity.

The problem with polarity and absolutes is that it eliminates the individuality of our human experience and that makes it contradictory to our human nature. But if we are pulled in these two directions, but it’s not really where we exist — polarity is not our actual reality — where do we go from there? What’s at the other end of that spectrum?

I don’t think it’s an unattainable, harmonious utopia, I think the opposite of polarity is duality. Duality is a state of having two parts, but not in diametrical opposition, in simultaneous existence. Don’t think it’s possible? Here are the people I know: I know Catholics who are pro-choice, and feminists who wear hijabs, and veterans who are antiwar, and NRA members who think I should be able to get married.Those are the people I know, those are my friends and family, that is the majority of our society, that is you, that is me. Duality is the ability to hold both things. But the question is: Can we own our duality? Can we have the courage to hold both things?‘

Ash BECKHAM

Ash Beckham approaches hard conversations from a place of compassion and empathy.

Ash Beckham is no stranger to hard conversations. In her work, she shares how coming out as a lesbian helped her appreciate our common humanity and better understand the hardships that we all face. This equality advocate mixes personal experience and wisdom to help everyone bravely face their demons.